Sunday, February 26, 2012

Let go

Did you have a plan for your life?  Did you know what you wanted to be, where you wanted to live, who you wanted to marry,  how many kids you were going to have?  Did you have it all planned out?  Do you still have your plan?  Are you willing to give up on that plan?

I am a person who craves stability, predictability and certainty.  I want to know that things are fine, they will go as planned and that they will stay that way.  I don't like surprises.  I don't like the unknown.  I hate uncertainty.

So what do you think my life has been?

Every day I see more and more that I am definitely NOT in control.    It is definitely NOT certain nor predictable.  By the Grace of God I am slowly learning to be okay with that.

I have always believed I was a Christian.  We went to church every Sunday, went Sunday school, sang in the choir, and participated in youth group and church events.  What I didn't realize is that even though I believed in Christ, I didn't KNOW Christ.  I didn't see Christ as someone who wanted to be in my life, and BE my life.  HE was a far away entity that had so much more important stuff to look after in the world that there was no way I really mattered.

By His Grace I am learning that I AM loved.  I AM wanted.  I AM worthy.
HE has a plan for my life.  However, He doesn't feel the need to share that plan with me.  Instead He just wants me to trust HIM. 
 I must admit that I find the trusting VERY hard.  Not because I don't think that He wants the best for me, but because I fear what He might ask me to do.  I fear what He might make me have to deal with that I don't want to or don't think I can.

Over the last few years we have had many things happen in our lives.  Gord was out of work for a year, we had our 3rd baby during that same year (which was a huge surprise!), we lost our vehicle, we lost our house, many times we had very little food, couldn't pay our bills, every day was a struggle. Our relationship with Christ was put through the ringer.  We cried out to Him, we were angry with Him, we questioned Him, we were grateful to Him  Anything you can feel, we felt. 

But God is Good. 
 We have learned so much and been so blessed during that time as well.  We had food provided for us many, many times, money came even from people we didn't even know.  We were given a vehicle, and so much more.  God used all of those things in our lives to bring us closer to Him.  It is still a journey of faith that we are on every day.  He has now had us move 2 hours away from any of our family and friends, but we feel that this is where He wants us at this moment.  We have no idea where God is taking us, but we know that if we continue to trust Him, He will work it out.

A few months back I made the comment that I am thankful that God has it all worked out cause I just don't see it.  A very good friend of my had this to say in reply.... IF you could see it YOU WOULD never CHOOSE it and you'd miss the mark He has set for you... She really made me think. 

God knows where He wants me to be.  He also knows that I don't think I am ready to be there.  So, He lovingly gives my GPS alternate directions.  Each step of the way I am learning, growing, and maturing.  Each step brings me into a closer relationship with my heavenly Papa.

This might not be how I thought my life would go, but I am grateful that God loves me enough to keep bringing me back to Him. 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

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